a terrible monster of a disease

This is something a friend posted on Facebook the other day.  Apparently a friend succumbed to a terrible disease and left this world much too soon.

Kyla Brown

August 3 at 11:27pm ·

I thought I saw you the other day,
A heartstopping glimpse from the periphery.
As I turned to get a second look,
My vision clarified into a not so tall and
Unfamiliar stranger with a fleeting resemblance of you.
Perhaps it is because I always expect to see you,
Though I know you will no longer be there.
I have been thinking so much of you lately
As the doors closed with thunderous finality.
I woke Saturday morning with such sorrow,
Thinking of our beloveds’ memories waiting
In the dark with nothing but shadows
And eventual strangers for company.
As I gathered myself, shaking my head at melancholy,
An unforeseen message came from a beloved friend
Painful, heartbreaking, and shattering.
Stating her farewell, as she is losing her struggle
With a terrible monster of a disease.
Was my vision of you a portent of the impending loss
Of another heart so dear to me?
Or was it just a remnant of the hope we all have
To see you one more time.
Bitter regret wells in my heart remembering
The last words I said to you face to face
Were the same ones I said to her when
I saw her in December.
To take better care of yourself,
That you are not alone,
That you mean so much to me – to us all
And that I love you, my dear friend.
If I could ask anything, I would ask
You to watch over my friend.
Keep her company and cheer her spirit as
She puts up a hell of a fight.
Though she does not know you, she will welcome you.
The only explanation needed is that
You are my friend and you have come on my behalf,
And with your sweet smile, give her all my love.

Post About Apologies

This is something my friend Patricia wrote on her Facebook page July 31st.  I've never met Patricia in person but we connected back when Mysteries of Life was on Vox.com, she was one of the four people who followed (or whatever they called it back then) my blog.

I wanted to write up some thoughts to go along with it but instead I think I will just post it with some select comments other than to say this:

I've had more than one friend Ghost on my because they just couldn't deal with me offending them, but could not be bothered to explain what I did to offend them in the first place.  It's a real bullshit move; you did something I perceive as wrong, but I'm not gonna bother to explain what it was because it is so obvious (to me).  After all, there are no repercussions for my actions.

An apology by definition is "a regretful acknowledgment of an offense or failure." But how often do we really get or give apologies that fall under this definition? " I was wrong, and I'm sorry I hurt your feelings," is not the same as "I'm sorry your feelings were hurt." See what I did there? I think one of the reasons many of us are uncomfortable with expressing our hurt to those we consider friends, is because secretly we sense that by calling them out on how they've hurt us, there's a chance they will hurt us a second time by their response to our doing just that. Does that make sense? This is why it doesn't pay to wait to say, "Hey--I didn't like that." Because we all make mistakes, and it's best to put them out on the table as soon as they occur,so that we learn early, before we're too involved in the friendship, whether this so-called "friend" truly made a "mistake," or whether he or she is just in the relationship for a self-serving reason. Like maybe you think you have a friend, but she thinks you have a car and she doesn't want to take the bus to work...
Posted by Patricia V. Davis on Friday, July 31, 2015

William Donelson Fully-realised individuals take responsibility for all they do. When we make a mistake, or hurt someone, we apologise directly and try to make amends. We grow and learn, and then we forgive ourselves and move on.

Patricia V. Davis Thea, it's a slap in the face. You go to an individual, already uncomfortable that you have a grievance that you feel squirmy about airing, because you know no one likes criticism and hey--you care about this person. But at the same time, you have too much respect for yourself to ignore the hurt this person has done. And what do you get for your pains? They treat it like YOU and only you are the problem. Yuck.

Unlike · Reply · 5 · July 31 at 10:48am

 

Patricia V. Davis And personally, if I'm the one offending someone, I want to know, so I can fix it. I hate it when someone 'ghosts' on me, because then I can't learn what I might have done to hurt them. I try my best not to hurt people, but sometimes, when a life gets busy, we can be neglectful or careless without meaning to. That's why a heads up is important. I care about my friends, but I'm human and need to know from them when I screw up, so I can make amends.

Like · Reply · 4 · July 31 at 11:02am

 

Time for a new background or avatar

I wonder if I should somehow incorporate this into my blog brand

"Gowy-icaro-prado" by Jacob Peter Gowy - http://www.museodelprado.es/imagen/alta_resolucion/P01540_01.jpg. Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons.

 

 

Something I saved from my Myspace Days

"You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" Current mood: pensive "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble" Bible, Psalms 46:1 With this being said, I would like to challenge God and his mysterious ways as to why innocent human beings have to endure trial and suffering. Should it be considered fair to have a human being nearly two decades of age lie in a hospital bed and ponder whether or not he will see the next sunrise? Better yet, is it necessary to put his body into such a trance that he is a mere vegetable; a coma like state is something that no person should ever wish upon another. So why, God? Why would you do this to an innocent child - a child that you claim to be yours. You made man from the dust of this unjust earth. "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him" Genesis 1:33 Was it because he committed acts of sins? Honestly, what person has lived a just life? No one. I cannot name one person who has not made a mistake; a person who has not committed an act of revenge upon thy neighbor; a person who has not lied to another. Questions like this constantly go through my mind. I consider myself a child of God, but I also feel like a hypocrite when I question his acts. After all, if it weren't for his creation of Adam and Eve (according to the First Book of Moses, Genesis for those who do not know), I would not be a mortal. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" Bible, Matthew 14:31 I wish I knew why I had such doubt. Perhaps it is because I am afraid to die. Maybe I just don't want to be one of the select few chosen by God to undergo trial and suffering. After all, who would? With this said, I guess it can be concluded that not only am I afraid to die, but I am also afraid to live. My life is in God's hands. It always has been. The life of every mortal on this earth is in God's hands. My life has a predetermined destiny, I suppose. Is it safe to say that it is predetermined for a person to experience pain and misery? Will it make him stronger? What if he succombs to the pain? Does it mean he is a mere weak mortal? Or does it mean that God wanted him back in his arms - he wanted him to turn back into dust? The cyclical life of a mortal can have multiple meanings. Birth and Death. Birth and Rebirth. Whatever it may be, we're on this earth for a reason, predetermined or not. Make the best of it. Look God straight in the eyes and say, "I will live my life to the fullest. You gave me this blessing to live and I will take full advantage of it." I know I will do this and maybe, just maybe, I will get over one of my fears of living and dying. * This journal is dedicated to UConn Rugby player Marc Corderre. His life is in God's hands. Lets pray that he gets through his trial and suffering by not only living, but becoming stronger both spiritually and physically 6:51 PM - 8 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment January 21, 2005 • Friday

Goals for the remainder of 2015

So I haven't been as good about posting here as I was in the first half of 2015.  All the usual reasons bloggers give for not posting plus the ones the apply specifically to me.  I don't know if I will keep up with the 10 posts per month but I do intend to start posting more pictures and random stuff for posterity.

I spend a lot of time making the posts on the commercial blog adhere to a certain standard and I bring some of that standard here.  I try to add a photo or two to almost every post here and that means I need a certain amount of text to balance it out.  

Okay so the goals for the rest of the year:

• Lose Weight
• Re-acquire running form
• Finish strong on the writing thing

It say 219 lbs

Get back into running form:  I miss running. I miss being able to throw on my running shoes and being 3 miles into a 5 mile run without even realizing it. I use to average 100 miles a month; now I'm luck if I can get that much done in a year. It's a vicious cycle: I don't have the endurance I use to have so it takes longer to run any decent* mileage. Since I am getting exhausted sooner, I don't bang out the mileage like I use to in my marathon training days. Since I'm discouraged about running, I don't run as much which means my endurance suffers. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
* Decent Mileage was always defined as worth the effort of changing into your running clothes!


I also miss the bragging rights. Social Media wasn't around in its current form during my running heyday. So when I achieved a new personal best at a race, I had to let everyone know the old fashioned way:  sending my “status updates” through e-mail to friends and strangers, like a cave man!  [I'm sure most people probably deleted the e-mails without opening them and wished they could un-friend me]
 
For the month of July I did this thing were every run I went on was 2.62 miles long.  I managed to string 10 of these together so my July numbers are higher than May and June combined.  In August I'm upping the distance to 5K.  I picked these two numbers because they are short enough to do in my present condition.

Losing Weight:  I really need to get my weight back down to 200 lbs.  I can get some miles in on the treadmill at the office or on my WFH day but the weekends are tied up dealing with Moose and Squirrel.  Fortunately, they are now old enough for me to put them in the jogging stroller, of which we happen to have two.   I took them for a test run on Saturday but because we got a late start and the day was already humid, I didn't do so well.  It took almost 40 minutes to cover 5K.

Longshot:  I wrote somewhere that I wanted to get 1000 twitter followers and 500 page likes for Mysteries of Life Fan Page.  I didn't realize how easy it would be to hit 1000.  I have an outside chance of getting the 500 if I average 10 likes a month.  I've essentially tapped out my friends and fellow bloggers.