Looking Busy

A long time ago in a law firm far, far away, I was a Litigation Paralegal.  Many of my fellow paralegals would talk about how busy they were.  They would eat lunch at their desk and always have some papers with them.  They may have been creating a deposition abstract or proof-reading an index of a document production.  They would work on these on their Metra train rides home.

This was in the early 90s, back before the days of connecting remotely to the office and working from home meant bringing a bunch of hard copy documents home with you. 

I've never been good at looking busy.  Either I have something to do or I'm looking for the next task.  Often when I finish something, I submit to my Adult ADD and surf the web or find some other activity to stimulate my brain. 

It's one thing to work through lunch in order to leave work early.  It's another thing to consistently work through lunch in order to just leave on time.  That is a sign that its time to look for another gig.  Working some extra hours during a busy season is one thing.  Having a busy season that lasts all fiscal year is another.

We're All a Little Screwed Up

What I learned this summer:  A couple months ago I got one of those calls you hear about and hope you never personally get.  A friend was dead and the circumstances were not known.  A few hours later it was learned, or shared, that Craig took a bunch of sleeping pills and washed them down with vodka, one of the hard liquors he wasn't very fond of.

Sometime this year, I also learned that a friend has an eating disorder.  She told me that she was borderline anorexic, though I've since learned that she's more bulimic.  Intuitively, she knows better but somethng inside is set to believe that every calorie she eats will somehow transform that too skinny to give blood body into a an overweight person.

I've always thought both of these friends had their sh** together better than I did.  The reality is that their Alpha Gene is set to On while mine is set to off.  While it gives me no comfort to know that their personal demons are of the same magnetude as mine, it does make me feel like I can give myself a little break and not be so hard on myself.

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Confessions of a First Generation Pole:  Spearking of not being so hard on myself, this article sums it up neatly.

Knowing the language seems the defining line between identifying as Polish or American. ...For my part, because I’ve forgotten what little Polish I knew, the language barrier prevents me from getting Poles to see me as one of their own—I’m just another American.  [Source]

When I was growing up, I didn't like being called a Pole-lock by my Puerto Rican schoolmates.  So while I never denied being Polish, I certainly downplayed it and didn't embrass my ethnicity until my late 20s and early 30s.

I've tried to re-learn the language. My mom claims I did speak some Polish as a child.  However neither classrooms at Discovery Center or Rosetta Stone has proven successful, mostly because I don't have the discipline to do the Rosetta Stone on a beautiful summer day.

I know this much about weddings

The Wedding is one day, the Marriage is, hopefully, forever.  This is the mantra that gets many a bride and groom through the planning stages of a wedding.  The Wedding Report, an industry publication, reports that the average wedding costs $29,000 in the U.S:

http://www.theweddingreport.com/bz/index.php/weddings-and-average-wedding-cost-1945-to-2010/

Here's what I've learned about planning a wedding and would tell myself if I could get in a Delorean and go back in time.

1)  Someone is paying for that wedding. Whether its you, the Bride's parents, Elmo or a combination thereof, if you think that you might possibly have some type of celebration to commemorate your marriage, start saving immediately -- even before you find your future spouse. 

Some people have parents who have put aside money for them. This is great.  However, your parents might get laid off before retirement or have some medical emergency and that money you were counting on is gone. Or your parents can only give so much money yet you want extras like chair covers, floor length table clothes
and a deejay who will show up.  These things cost extra.  Start saving.  Now.

The worst that can happen is you use that money elsewhere -- home downpayment, kickass honeymoon, Bourbon and strippers, whatever.

2)  Wedding Vendor Cartel and price fixing.  Wedding vendors want large non-refundable deposits upfront and they often incentivize you to pay cash.  After all, if you are going to pay $1000 for flowers but will receive a 20% discount ($200) if you pay cash, how can you refuse. With some of the vendors, you end up paying 80-100% of the cost before the wedding date.  The good part is you don't have to deal with it on your wedding day.  The bad part is, you are sweating bullets that everything will go off without a hitch.

3)  The Point of No Return.  When you add up the cost of a wedding versus flying to Vegas and having Elvis marry you, the difference is staggering.  Still there comes a point when you realize that even if you forfeited all the deposits and grabbed the next flight out to Vegas, you would still come out ahead cost-wise.

3a) The Real Point of No Return. Then you reach a point where you've hemeraged so much money and have little to show for it, unless you actually go through with the wedding.  This is the riskiest moment.

Say for instance, your wedding photographer skips out on your wedding because she went to a Rave the night before and woke up in some other city.  Sure you have a contract and can go through the long, lengthy legal process of getting your money back.  What you cannot do is get in that Delorean and go back and pick a more dependable photographer.  Your marriage is still legit though starting off on a stressful note, but your wedding is ruined.

Bathroom Shelf - Part Two

In Part One, I talked about how I sanded and stained the wood portion of this shelf.  Then I made it sound like I went right out and bought a can of spray paint.  The truth is, I did this project over a week's time, doing a little bit here and a little bit there.   For instance, I sanded the shelf with the belt sander and then removed a layer of sawdust with Mineral Spirits, then went out to run an errand while the board dried. But it wasn't until the weekend that I got around to sanding with the palm sander.

If you really planned it right, you could get this project done in 24 hours.  The time to sand it depends on how anal thorough you are and it only takes about 15 minutes for the Mineral Spirits to dry.  The Polyurethane takes 6 hours to dry though I really like to let the last coat dry overnight.  The Wood Finish I used to seal the underside takes about 15 minutes to dry and then a few hours to cure but you can work with the other side in the meantime.   Finally, the spray paint dries to the touch in 15 minutes.  After 1-2 hours you can handle the painted item and it is fully dry after 24 hours. 

To spray paint the rack, I had to fashion a manner in which to hang it so that I could paint without causing a mess, inhale the fumes and reach every part of the rack.  The common area of my condo building near the dumpsters was a perfect location. 

A wire coat hanger and a piece of old chain I had lying around did the trick.  I strung the chain around a rafter under the deck.

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This was a lot of fun.

 

Even though this part of the rack will be covered by the shelf and not really seen by anyone, it is a good idea to spray paint it thoroughly because the spray paint is also a rust guard. Since this will in all likelihood end up in the bathroom, a high moisture area.



The shelf came out looking really nice.  Now I need to figure out where exactly to hang it.

Finished Product

Bathroom Shelf - Part One

A few weeks ago, we picked up this shelf at a yard sale.  I neglected to snap a before picture but essentially the wood shelf was attached to a metal frame. The frame had some rust and the shelf certainly needed sanding, but otherwise it was a solid piece. The metal rack had some hooks which made me think it would be a nice addition to our storage challenged bathroom.  I figured we could hang wet towels on the hooks and roll dry towels on the shelf.

At first the lady wanted five bucks for it.  Figuring it would make a nice form & function addition to our cramped bathroom, I reached into my pocket for the money.  Then the lady noticed that someone had written $3.50 on it, so she sold it to me for that price instead.  Go figure. 


Sanded Shelf

It was probably a little overkill, but I sanded this board three times.  First with a belt sander to do the heavy work of removing all the imperfections that time will do to an unfinished or worn piece of wood.

Next I used a palm sander with slightly finer paper to give it a good consistent sanding so that it was smooth to the touch.

Finally I used my Craftsman Nextec Multitool to get to the grooves on the curved part of the shelf (picture the shelf laying flat, this would be the front and back as opposed to the top or bottom.)

Of course between each sanding, I used some Mineral Spirits to clean away all the micro saw dust.  After that, it was a matter of applying some MinWax Polyurethane.  I used Bombay Mahogany Gloss 480 and applied two coats to the front and top. 

Topside with Polyurethane

Underside with Wood Sealer

On the underside, I applied some MinWax Wood Finish (Natural 209) just to seal the wood.

While that was drying I went to work on the metal frame.  With some steel wool, I worked out the rust, also removing some of the black paint.  My next step involved a trip to the suburbs.

Sidebar: Like other urban centers, graffiti is a relatively big problem in Chicago.  Our aldermen, in their infinite stupidity wisdom, decided to ban the sale of spray paint within the city limits.  This had reduced the amount of graffiti by no measurable levels since gangbangers and taggers have cars.  It does however make the law abiding citizen drive out the Home Depots in the suburbs to get a can of spray paint whenever they need to repaint their lawn furniture.

 Bathroom Shelf - Part Two

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Jumping through hoops

A guy and a girl can have sex and end up getting pregnant.  Assuming they opt to keep the child, no one disputes that they are going to conceive another life form.  However, if they participate in some style of wedding ritual, there is a chance they could go through the entire process and ceremony, only to have someone say the whole thing is invalid.

Someone might come along and say "well your marriage isn't recognized because you forgot to provide proof of baptism," or "you didn't check the box that said you have never been married before," or "there was an error on your marriage license."

So far we have still on target for completing all the hoops we have to go through, but they keep adding new ones.  Last week we met with a priest to go over some of the requirements.  While there, we managed to check off Canical Talk with Priest.  However, he threw a new one my way that wasn't mentioned in November when we first met.

Apparently since I'm technically a member of another church -- one that wasn't available anytime near the century date we wanted to get married -- I have to get permission from them to get married in another Catholic Church.  You'd think this would be a slam dunk.  After all, what if I wasn't a member of any church here in Chicago, like my fiance? 

Getting the form filled out from Church1 for Church2 is not a big deal.  Having to jump through this hoop makes me wonder what other hoops will come along.

Marathon Training and Wedding Planning

I am not spending my summer training for a marathon. It's not the first time I've taken a summer off, but this is certainly a rarity for me. Instead I'm using the time to pursue some long shelved hobbies, oh and plan a wedding.

At first glance, weddings and marathons have little to do with each other. One is a 26.2 mile race and the other is a celebration that launches (hopefully) a lifetime together. You can train for and run many marathons over the course of a lifetime but you probably only want one wedding (unless you are Liz Taylor or Hugh Heffner).  But they do have some things in common. They both take a lot of time and preparation and they both can set you up for big expectations.

Marathon training is typically 18 weeks of following a running schedule and tacking on miles. In theory you eat right and make other sacrifices that conflict with summertime fun and an active social life. You buy a couple pairs of expensive running shoes and eat a lot of pasta. 

Weddings take an average of 1 year to plan. You usually have to book your venue this far in advance because everyone else has booked their wedding.  You hire a photographer, buy/rent expense clothing and eat a lot of pasta (Italian weddings only!).

Yes you can plan a wedding in a short amount of time or elope, and sure you could simply sign up for a marathon, do no training and show up on race day in your running shorts. Both of these options will give you a different experience than the traditional route.

When you've run as many marathons as I have, you expect a certain outcome. Yeah, it's an accomplishment just to finish, and that gets you through the first couple of marathons. But by the time you've racked up a dozen marathons or so, you have different expectations. You cannot help it. Simply finishing the race isn't enough, you want something to show for your weeks of blood, sweat and carbo loading. The race may not be a BQ* or even a new PR*, but you expect to have a decent enough run that you can be proud of.

Back to the wedding. The wedding is a just a day and the marriage is what's important. Future wife and I get that. That doesn't mean we don't want the day to be special for both us and our guests.

Weddings and marathons can be thwarted by events completely beyond your control. A hot day may blow your race day results.  A drunk photographer will impact the quality of the pictures from your special day. Being too drunk in either will not bode well at all.

In the end, you really cannot control everything for either the marathon or the wedding.  All you can do is plan for your day and hope for the best.


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BQ: Boston Qaulifying Time.
PR: Personal Record i.e. best marathon time you have acheived.