Somebody that I use to know

 It was brought to my attention the other day that a friend from college died of cancer earlier this month.  Obviously, this sucks.  But what I'm finding strange is how I'm feeling about it.  Lily Hung and I were good friends in the early 90s.  We were at UIC together and our group would meet in the cafeteria before class and grab coffee or breakfast.  We would often have lunch together too.  I had my first Guinness with her at Hawkeye's.

Lilly also introduced me to volleyball and the Lincoln Park Volleyball club.  She was a far better player than I and she often played in tournaments, which is where she met her husband, Andres.  And that is when we started spending less time together.  A few times over the years, she'd make a half-hearted attempt to get together but our schedules never jived and it fell flat.

Again, I'm not sure why this is causing me so much confusion.  We had our Season in the Sun but then grew apart.  No big deal, really.  But perhaps my neurodivergent mind is telling me, while looking through the Lens of Time, that we could have had a different type of relationship.  

Could we have had a romantic relationship?  She often pointed out that I was good looking, but I guess I never made a move.  Could she have helped me navigate the Mysteries of Life better?  What would be her motivation to do so?

My short answer is that I guess I missed the lunches and dinners and good conversations we use to have and that they went away only because the dynamic changed.  She needed something more and I couldn't provide it.