"We all have THAT THING that still takes us out at the knees - that memory/decision/thing/death/betrayal/love that can still creep up on us and attack our everything, daggers drawn. Flanked by grief, we are forced to drop everything and attend to the gaping, dripping wound a-fucking-gain.
It can come from a dream (last night), a song, or a picture. Sometimes, we even go searching for it, thinking it will be different this time. We think the temporary immersion of joy will be worth the impact of the inevitable fall. Or maybe we just don’t have it in us, yet, to resist its pull on our hearts. Either way, when we re-connect to the memory, it’s a shock to the system that briefly stops the heart. Still.
‘Dammit. Why am I not past this, yet? This was so long ago. What more is there to do? I have done it all. I have:
--let myself feel it/cried it out
--read the books
--binge watched all the shows
--journaled like a mad man
--talked it out with the inner circle
--turned it over
--thrown shit out.
--journaled some more, this time with some lists
--let time pass, trusting it might heal all wounds" --- Source
and I really need to stop being so hard on myself about things that happened in the past. In my younger days, I didn't have the necessary resources and tools to deal with this thing called Life and all its intricacies.