Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Dating and Grocery Stores

When it comes to dating, sometimes you need to shop at a different grocery store:  some of my friends are still struggling with Singleitsis.  I still remember how much I struggled with the dating game.  Dating is hard especially in a big city or even just in this Internet Age where distance is virtually eliminated by technology and common curtsey is trumped by convenience.

Everyone needs food. Maybe you don't cook and could burn water without even trying. But you still gotta eat, and you can only go out to eat or order in so much in today's economy. And so we go to the grocery store. if you keep going to the same grocery store over and over, you are hostage to whatever they offer. Sure, sometimes you're lucky and you get a sale. But for the most part, if you keep going to the same store over and over again, you a re gonna get the same deal and the same meal over and over.

It works the same way with dating and relationships. If you keep going to the same parties and events, you're gonna keep seeing the same people over and over again. Maybe once in a while a friend will bring a friend along but you really cannot rely on luck. Especially since, more often than not, that friend-of-a-friend is her spare.

You have to break out of your comfort zone if you're gonna succeed, especially in the Game of Love.  Nightingale and I met because we both attended a party we otherwise would not have been at.  While it isn't the Cosmic Tumblers fall into place and the universe opens itself up to your Field of Dream, a lot of moving parts synced that 4th of July weekend to make things happen.

Thoughts on Dating:  when I was single one of the bigger things I struggled with was the fact that I didn't realize that many people go through whatever I was going through.  Everyone has bad dates or people who seem interested one minute than aloof the next. the thing is, I didn't have a lot of friends who could say "hey this is normal, everyone goes through this, we're all struggling." 

You strike out with one person, you might think, okay it wasn't meant to be.  Then the next person comes along and you think okay she was a bit flaky.  After a series of unsuccessful serial dating, you begin to think: well I am the common denominator.  That is unless you are don't possess a modicum of self awareness.

Here's the thing: you learned to crawl before you learned to walk, and if we're being honest, you learned to poo in a diaper before getting potty trained.  Things generally come in stages with successes and set backs.  Still, it was those initial setbacks that made all the setbacks still to come that much more painful.

Once I managed to get into longer term relationships that had the potential to go somewhere, I didn't really care as much.  But I still would read some advice columns from time to time and then it hit me: it seemed so rough not only because I was the common denominator but also because I didn't have a good support network of friends to help me see through this.  And that's not meant to be a jab at them.

I had friends who said they couldn't remember what it was like to be in the dating game so please stop asking, or those who tried but just didn't have the experience points in the DD game of Life to help.  I wish I had the good sense to say to them "I'm not expecting solutions, I just want someone to vent about my problems."  And if we're really being honest here, yes I would expect them to point out something if they did happen to notice something that might give insight into why a supposedly good looking guy with a decent job and no warrants out for his arrest cannot find someone willing to go out on more than a date or two, please pass that along thank you very much.

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