Sometimes we are heard

I wrote a post the other day and didn't really do the usual promote it on social media thing.  Yet somehow, one of my favorite writers and fellow CN bloggers noticed.  

I enjoyed your latest post on social exclusion. It's very relatable but I'm sorry you experience that. I'm in a constant group chat with a group of 5 girls I went to high school with and I feel that "otherness" all the time and it's unfortunate. Keep up the thoughtful work :)

She wrote to me on Twitter  Direct Message which isn't the best way to get ahold of me, but it is her preferred method of contact and it does work.  Honestly, I wish she would have put the comment on the post since that helps the post gain internet currency.  Being a fellow writer and blogger, I would have thought she would understand that.  On the other hand, I suppose a DM is more permanent than a comment that a user can come back and delete.


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This is what prompted it

here is the original post

 

And the comment thread that ended a superficial friendship  

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It isn't always hugs and puppys

Sigh.  Over the weekend I received the following FB-mail from a former friend. 

Hi Icarus. I just wanted to let you know that I have unfriended you and I think it's only fair to let you know why as we have met face-to-face and are part of the same blogging group.

The bottom line is after your comment on my most recent thread, I no longer fully trust you. I was willing to even take a humorous hit directed at me on my own post about being a hack or a troll. But then when you let me know that you weren't joking and I specifically asked why, you did not respect me enough to respond. Nor did you in anyway stick up for me when fellow CN blogger said that I was not a good person on a comment thread that you started. I would never unfriend someone because they disagreed with me, but I feel that I offer others more respect than what you gave to me. And I have come to love myself too much not to have strong boundaries.

I just wanted to let you know as that is what I would want had the tables been reversed. I am glad that our paths crossed for a bit. And I offer a blessing to your and your lovely family.

Love,
AB

So much to unpack here, but let's try.  It's already understood that is a final message, not a request for clarification or attempt to preserve our precious friendship. A healthier more confident well adjusted person would reach out first for clarification and then unfriend if they didn't like what they heard

I don't know what my comment has to do with trust and respect per se.  I asked a relevant question that lots of people would ask based on her post: was her account hacked or was she trolling everyone.  She never really clairified and I got too busy to follow up.Because if it isn't clear that your FB post is not the most important thing in anyone's life right now, I don't know what to tell you.

When you take the time to write an essay like this to someone, instead simply just silently unfriending it is always about YOU.  You know deep in the darkest reaches of your soul you are the one in the wrong here and you are trying to assuage your guilt by writing this treatises of justification.

I'm not sore about the unfriending, truth be told I was thinking about clearing her from my feed as well since we don't interact (I know that is mostly because of the insane FB algorithms).  But what I really hate about this is she gets to dump her last words behind the scenes at me so she can feel better without the world knowing what a phony New Age SJW she really is.  This Facebook Friend not only unfriended me because I didn't respond to her 128 comment thread, but she took the time to unlike my Facebook Writing page too. 


I'm sorry our fellow CN blogger sibling attacked her.  Jenna is a fantastic writer and has a way with words. However, with respect to their interactions with other, she often go through life Cos playing as a tantrum-throwing child.  Especially if they aren't 100% in lock-step agreement with her.


But that isn't on me.  She cannot hurt her the way Jenna hurt her.  So she is using the unfriending and final say note as a way to try and hurt me.

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Look what showed up in the inbox

I have been running but I have been neglecting to upload/synch my running data. 

Let me know if you have any questions...

As a byproduct of following the real estate market since 2008, I know a lot of realtors.  Some I know through friends and other social outlets.  Some i met at open houses and they latch on to me. Often, I get an email from one like this one:

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Icarus:

 I saw your note in Crib Chatter that you're thinking of finding something in the near-northwest suburbs. Like one of these?

Let me know if you have any questions, comments or updates to your requirements.

Sincerely,

ChiTownGal

She sent me a link to her ConnectMLS report which had about 40 listings of various types of houses.  All realtors these days have this package, some software developer made off well packaging and selling this to brokerage firms once the industry finally conceded that typical buyer/sellers are using the internet more than agents to buy houses.

For the purposes of full disclosure, ChiTownGal is the realtor who found me my current abode.  Unlike many realtors who disppear once the commision check clears, ChiTownGal has stayed in touch over the years.

Okay, you asked.  So in letter form, I sent the following back.


Comments:

1) I get these Powered by ConnectMLS reports from every realtor I've ever met since the dawn of time. [At any given time I'm also "stalked" by any realtor I've met at an open house, party or even on the running path, but that's another discussion.] I'm also signed up on ZipRealty, Redfin and use a few other sites to do my searching. Since the MLS became available to ordinary buyers it is rare that a realtor trumps me on a home that is out there.

2) Some of my criteria just isn't codeable and no agent is going to weed through listing descriptions to find me the perfect house -- that's my job.

3) No Agent is gonna review my notes on 40 plus properties. I've made comments like "wow, love this house let's go see it" and "I'll buy it today" and yet no response.

4) take MLS #07912198 this is a fugly looking house. There is no way i would buy it. I wouldn't even live there for free or if you paid me (okay, slight exaggeration). But if I check not interested, it will still come up in the next email when they delist and relist or drop the price $1. There needs to be a Never Show Me This House Again option.

Question:

Perhaps this downtime in the Real Estate Market is a good time for all the realtors to come together and fix some of the things broken in the system.

regards,

Icarus