Monday, April 26, 2021

Feeling powerless and out of control

 sometime in the middle of the night, I realized today would have been my 5th anniversary at Big Audit.  Alas, that didn't happen thanks to being laid off 10 months ago.  I had wanted to make it to at least Year 5 because that is when the full 401K matching investment kicked in.  As most Corporate America entities write their benefits packages, if you separate from the company even 5 minutes before a milestone year, you get prorated benefits.

I'm still going through some depression and PTSD, the effects of my office nemesis.  He really did a number on me.  Looking back through the lens of time, I see things I didn't notice at the time, that I should have done a better job of confronting things head-on and standing up for myself.

It's been a rough few months in the land of job seeking.  I've probably talked to over a dozen recruiters.  A few have brought promising opportunities only to ghost me after I send them my resume.  Sometimes I get feedback like "strong on client-server technology but not on apps" or "not enough Cloud Experience".  

In my industry for my particular skill set, you either worked at the No-Name Software or were at a company that was an early adopter of their software solution.  If you couldn't make it work at No-Name (say for instance you were not part of the cool clique) you found work at a Partner integrator company or a law firm.  All these people use to call me at the support line asking for help and I got them the answers they needed.  But now suddenly I'm not good enough to work for them.  

I once said that dating and job interviewing are similar in that you can have a great first, second, nth date/interview, but until someone gives you a job, you got nothing.


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