Same as it Never Was

In the late 80s, I attended NMSU, a liberal arts college located in Kirksville, Missouri.  It took me a while to get any traction but eventually, I was getting good grades and had an active social life.  My mother took that away from me.  She lost a job and had a car accident and couldn't afford to keep sending me there.

But here's the thing.  back then, financial aid was more abundant than it was later.  we could totally have been able to send me back but my mom wouldn't allow it.  Because she knew the longer I was away from home, the more I would realize how dysfunctional our life was.  and she was jealous that I might meet someone who would be competing for my attention.

I tried to rebuild what I had in Kirksville in Chicago but a neurodivergent 20-year-old wasn't gonna be able to do it.  Many of my high school friends were away at other college campuses and the ones who went to city colleges didn't have the free time one does at a college town.  and a part of me thought I'd find a way back to Kirksville or after college move to St Louis where my so-called friends lived.  

There's a lot of complexity but it wasn't until I gave that up that I truly created a life in Chicago.

Fast-forward to 2021.  Nightingale decided we needed a change and she moved us to Mississippi-stan.  Not out of malice.  But because she hated her job and wanted to be closer to family.  The only reason we are in this particular city is because her younger sister set down roots here and as the baby of the family, she needed help once she had children with Confederate Jethro.  

Almost Daily, I get an On This Day from Facebook showing me some memories of our Chicago house.  I miss it terribly.  But the truth is, Chicago isn't perfect, and moving back wouldn't be the panacea I want it to be.  Just like moving to St Louis wouldn't have been the magical solution I wanted it to be.