Monday, April 20, 2015

This describes what goes on in my head on the drive to work

Something a ChicagoNow Blogger wrote:
"We all have THAT THING that still takes us out at the knees - that memory/decision/thing/death/betrayal/love that can still creep up on us and attack our everything, daggers drawn. Flanked by grief, we are forced to drop everything and attend to the gaping, dripping wound a-fucking-gain.

It can come from a dream (last night), a song, or a picture. Sometimes, we even go searching for it, thinking it will be different this time. We think the temporary immersion of joy will be worth the impact of the inevitable fall.  Or maybe we just don’t have it in us, yet, to resist its pull on our hearts. Either way, when we re-connect to the memory, it’s a shock to the system that briefly stops the heart. Still.

‘Dammit. Why am I not past this, yet? This was so long ago. What more is there to do? I have done it all. I have:

--let myself feel it/cried it out
--read the books
--binge watched all the shows
--journaled like a mad man
--talked it out with the inner circle
--turned it over
--thrown shit out.
--journaled some more, this time with some lists
--let time pass, trusting it might heal all wounds"  --- Source

and I really need to stop being so hard on myself about things that happened in the past.  In my younger days,  I didn't have the necessary resources and tools to deal with this thing called Life and all its intricacies. 


  1. That's the thing with trauma - I could probably find a link or two if need be, but trauma affects the non-logical part of the brain. That's why you can't address it with logic - you can't reason your way out of it, and pricking those triggers brings all that pain to the forefront as if that pain is recurring in the present.

    Successful trauma therapy involves the victim taking control of the narrative in their head, skipping past the logic of it all and changing their perception. Examples include drawing a picture or making a movie to work it out that way.

    1. thanks. I assume there is the risk that the victim will re-write history not just in the guise of making the outcome work out better but perhaps by overwriting the correct historical event with one more favorable.


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